WIsdom for true transformation and healing.

I recently embarked on a 4 year course of study in traditional naturopathy and acupuncture. I’ve been immersed in timeless and practical principles of healing. I’m inspired. And I really really don’t want to talk about healing.

As I’m learning about cell biology and nutrition and ways to see and diagnose patterns in the body, I’m equally brought back to the past 16 years of my life and the understanding of wellness that comes from prolonged experiences with physical suffering and chronic illness.

The world pressures us to go from point A to point B, and look good while we’re doing it.  Everybody loves to watch a good transformation story. But few people are willing to allow themselves the process of a powerful transformation.

My life is chock full of transformation stories, and I’ve been writing a book about the principles of power in healing for over a decade. Some of them are big, some are small and some are still ongoing. Some are hard to talk about.

The secret of real transformation has roots in an alchemical process that can not be packaged or sold. 

I find we are better off studying ourselves, getting curious and committed to our inner dharma and intuition, and letting it guide us towards deeper versions of our true path and next right steps.

So, I don’t want to talk about healing, at least not today. I want to share a series of words that can help point your heart and mind in the direction of a great truth that will bring you back into balance with your path and the great transformation that is afoot in your life. 

In some traditions this is called living with the Tao. It’s a state of being that we can’t think our way into. 

It’s a tricky thing to do: to guide you to something without looking at it directly. Like pointing out a constellation in the sky that’s brightest when you see it from the corner of your eye. 

There are a few guiding principles that we can use to walk ourselves (backwards, without looking directly,) towards a healing transformation.

The first is balance through self- knowledge.

When we are living in true balance with nature, we no longer need extremes: extreme diets, belief systems or high octane lifestyles. We are never far from our own centre, so we don’t need to perform or inject our life with adrenaline in order to feel something. 

We’re living pretty close to our evolving truth, so we don’t need to wake ourselves up to get back on track constantly. 

By developing an intimate understanding both our own inner nature— physical constitution, hearts desires, tendencies and traits both harmful and healing— AND a relationship with the natural world and its cycles together, we develop a foundation of understanding of our truth 

It’s a truth that we don’t get from outsourcing the work it takes to get there. Following somebody’s ‘five step plan’ or program to truth isn’t wrong per say, it’s just not the way to unearth the subtle quality of knowing that comes from knowing yourself.

We find our place on earth by accepting ourselves as we are and actively receiving the wisdom from the earth and our own soul that is meant for us. 

What does this look like, in real life?

For starters, it requires slowing way, way down. The nervous system adjusts and re adjusts during periods of rest. It means intentionally slowing down even though it’s not fun or exciting. We can’t possibly connect deeply with ourselves unless we give ourselves the time and respect to meet ourselves fully.

Slowing way down also doesn’t mean slowly way down and doing nothing, (though it can if that’s something you never take time to do), but rather slowing down and paying very close attention to your mind, heart and body.

We work with what is, with the way we are right now, and we apply that reality to the context of living with the plants, seasons, stones, waters, forests and animals which are kin to us. 

It’s simple. It sounds like a baby step. Walk outside slowly. Focus on your weight shifting from foot to foot. Listen to the wind in the trees.When your mind gets bored and wants you to move on to something else, lovingly say, as of a parent to a child ‘not now. Now is the time for listening and feeling subtle sensations.’ 

Slow down. Listen. Repeat.

It’s no secret that the seeds of enormous life/ creative/business changes are planted in small spacious moments. That paradigm shifts occur during well timed moments of boredom.

If you want to take your life path, personal healing and creativity seriously, take quiet moments to seriously contemplate your inner experience, and then spend time with that truth of experience in nature. 

The greater your curiosity and openness, the greater your results. But I won’t paint a picture of transformation for you— you’ll have to find that one out for yourself. 

On spaciousness and decolonizing our creativity

I’ve noticed that since moving to a town of 600 people on an island, my days have a lot more space. Regardless of what I do or achieve, my day feels more spacious and sacred simply because there’s less doing. Even when it’s chaotic. 

So much of our creativity hinges on our relationship to space. Allowing ourselves to have space and feel spaciousness in our mind and daily routine. 

Learning how to sit with idle, boring or bleak times and sift through those heavier sensations to connect with the raw potential of space in those moments.

Not because we need to create something in order to feel valid, worthy, vital, etc.

I’ve thought a lot about what it means to decolonize our creativity. 

For me, that means learning to re-trust my creative instincts and not project my own creative instincts onto others. 

It also means separating my inherent creative life force from productivity, and a what, how and when that is dictated by somebody else’s expectations and standards.

Whether that’s a capitalist mentality where art is only valuable if people appreciate and spend money on it, or whether it’s the more insidious beliefs we are taught to believe through systems of education. That subtle ‘this is creative expression is good and acceptable, and that is bad and unworthy of attention’ which is ingrained in many people from an early age.

All this boils down to one simple fact: that creativity in our culture is associated with product.

Especially now in 2022, a time when our creative urges are encouraged to be discharged into short, bite sized pieces of content on the internet.

We don’t talk about our relationship with the muses. 

We don’t talk about how our physical body is a literal container for creative life force. 

We don’t learn how to channel, embody and relate to all the unseen faces of what creativity is.

And most of all, we don’t talk about how ecstatic and life-giving the creative process can be.

My questions for you today is: 

What does decolonizing your creativity mean to you?

What is your creative force attached to that you want to untangle it from?

If your creativity was free, fully yours and given full permission and space— what would you create?

And more importantly, how would you live?

You know I only like asking the big questions, and I’d love to hear your thoughts and answers.

With love walking with you,

Anja

Art credit Connor Dainty

The journey to a new home: It’s happening

Saying goodbye to dear friends in LA.

My son is almost two years old, and a few months ago he started saying “home, home, home!”. This was right before we were about to leave Los Angeles and the only home he’s ever had thus far in his life. We would go for a walk to the park, and halfway there he would get anxious and ask to go home home home.

Meanwhile, I was packing up boxes of our belongings in the oppressive heat. Some to ship to Sweden, some to ship potentially long term to France and some to keep in California.

We are moving, lifting up our anchors and speeding chaotically towards our goal of moving to Europe. But even as I stepped onto the plane at LAX I didn’t even fully know which country our future forever home would be, let alone the region.

It’s kind of madness, kind of genius. 

What we do know is that we are going to spend the fall and winter in Gotland, an island in the middle of the Baltic Sea which belongs to Sweden. If we will stay and make Sweden our forever home, or move to warmer more mediteranean climes, we don’t know yet.

I’ve been wanting to live in Europe for years. When I met my partner, our dreams merged and it became a magnetic, unstoppable vision. The first fall we were together, we traveled to six countries hoping to find our place. When we returned to California that winter, I got pregnant. One week later we went into full pandemic lock down. 

The rest is history. A very familiar one that most of us can relate to where we look back at the last two years and wonder what really happened, what we were doing, and who we really are now.

It turns out the pandemic only strengthened our resolve, and now, sleep deprived with toddler and enthusiastic French man in tow, I’m setting out to find home again. This time as a family unit.

Right now Snow and I are in Maine, in my childhood hometown, visiting friends and family and being nourished by all the glory of a late New England summer.

It feels like the pause between in breath and out breath, a moment before the unfolding of a new life.

Enough people have asked to hear/read/see about this transition and what its going to look like for us, that I’m going to be sharing these updates here on my blog.

Also, I have a near compulsive need to write and reflect and introspect from inside ever corner of my inner world. So, this space will for a time contain a little bit of both. :)

All Love

Anja

Breathe & Let Go

Exhale & Let Go.

We accumulate stories which manifest as micro moods and thoughts that cloud our present moment. We know all active healing and transformation happens when we are our present moment.

A tool we can use:

Bring your attention to the entire duration of your exhale.

(Don’t try to breathe deeply. Your breath as it is, is enough.)

Let your mind wander on the inhale.

On the exhale let the release of breath be a cool, still stream of presence.

let go along the stream of breath into this moment.

Feel the clouds blow gentler away from your moment with each exhale.
Notice— how does your head feel? Your heart?

This is best practiced during daily tasks, no meditation required.

This opens up mental space for your inner guidance system to begin communicating with you.

Let me know in the comments how this makes you feel.

With heart

Anja

Stop hustling in the name of self development and start asking yourself the right questions

Here’s an opinion that will be unpopular in the self development world: There is no urgency with your life’s work.

There, I said it.

When people create urgency around supporting your art, business or creative work and taking it to the next level, it’s a red flag.

Your life’s work may intersect with your job or business, or it might not. That doesn’t matter, because its your life’s work.

Contrary to marketing and hustle culture, “right now” may not be your only chance or best moment to take that next big leap or “play big.”

“How much longer will you wait before making your dreams a reality?” the voices shout.

Well, until my intuition tells me it is the right time to pursue, begin, take action. And no, my dreams do not begin when I sign up for a coaching program or hire a mentor but when I listen to my intuition daily and follow my hearts quiet and subtle urges.

You know those urges, the ones which tell you to reach out to a loved one, sit quietly and drink a warm cut of tea while looking out the window while your phone is turned off. To go outside, to dance, to cook, to nurture, to confront, to play. To build and make something whacky, unprecedented, unmarketable. To be and do just because.

Those natural soul urges that are barely heard over the din of productivity. Over the din of capitalism and the tick-tick-tick of a work culture without rest.

The voices which tell us that now is the only chance to leap and find your wings on the way down are also the ones which activate your nervous system into a fight or flight stress response.

I want to hear the encouraging voices of a marketplace where the sellers encourage me to be with and know myself, to only seek outside of myself for answers if that is what my heart is telling me to do.

Instead of selling out our souls gentle nudges in the name of trading up and making it big, we would do well to listen to the true rhythm of our lives. The questions we could begin asking might look like: 

“What major theme is coming up in my life right now and how does it connect to my evolution and expansion?”

“If I become mindful and tune into my feelings below my stress/nervous system response, what is my heart/intuition/gut telling me?”

“How would my dreams expand or change shape if I was getting enough true, deep rest?”

We can welcome whatever theme or energy is working through us and our life, regardless of whether it is positive or negative and in so doing fully digest and allow its teachings and magic to guide us like a gentle river.

If this wisdom is truly guiding us to strive for a 1 million dollar revenue year, or to quit the job or start the big project right now, then we know without a doubt that we are not abandoning ourselves.

We won’t be leaping for somebody else’s bait. We will be living elegantly forward through our dreams from self knowing and curiosity.

I will see you there.

Creation // A Poem

My power encompasses this land
The land of my internal space

The space of unknowable bounty

The realm of uncompromising softness

The throne of endless rising

The site of shameless rejoicing

The dark wounds opened wide

For receiving

The warmth of ones Self

The work-song born

While listening

To the voice

Of forgotten sadness

This me, this self, I am.

That way, which carries

Tumbling stones down an old

Path traveling in the direction

Of nowhere in particular

Because Being 

Is sister

To becoming.

• Sharing this poem is part of an exploration into my creative process, sharing less content on social media accounts and moving more of my personal insights to my own platform

Onwards - Following The Invisible Path

A mother duck is guiding her three ducklings through the sluggish trickle of water and debris at the very bottom of the Arroyo Seco, a concrete reservoir for rain catchment that snakes like a through my neighborhood. Technically it is a river which begins miles away in the mountains, but by the time it reaches the city it is dry as a bone.

I watch through the warm blue grey haze of dusk as the ducks reach the end of the muck filled puddle. The mama duck waits patiently as each of her ducklings in turn clamber up out of the water and onto the dirty concrete, where once again the foursome continues to waddle onwards in the direction of the imaginary river.

This is the face of nature: unstoppable, often quiet. Barely noticed except by those who pause and look down in the twilight by the side of a highway, or by those who notice the grasses and roots pushing through the cracks in unkept abandoned roads leading nowhere in towns that no longer exist. In southern California where I live, climate change has begun already cracking the foundations of our life with record heat, drought and fires.

As the years pass and the calloused earth continues to dry, a yearning for sustenance— a life real and rich and full—has grown in me with a necessary hunger. I know I am not the only one who feels this.

In the monochrome light of evening I can see through the settling smog the dark shapes of mother duck and her small kin, following an invisible path through the human waste and drought, her own inner constellation guiding her regardless of circumstance. 

I imagine her saying: “here, we have water— not so clean but still swimmable.. and here is the concete. Now we walk. Follow close, we are going” 

And the watcher on the bridge asks “where? Where in this dirty world are you walking to?” Knowing there are only miles and miles more of concrete here.

And somewhere echoed from this moment, is answered 

Not where, Why?

A why, springing up from the very earth, holding the purpose of every growing and grown thing ever to pass into and through form into dust.

Because we must.

My Journey into motherhood: Post partum during a pandemic

When my son is born, he feels more like an amphibious creature than a human. Having gotten quite comfortable with our previous aquatic living arrangement, we both quite literally feel like fish out of water.

The very first time he cries from a gas pain, I burst into tears. I am naive and completely shocked that my love alone will not suffice to soothe him.

The first few nights baby Snow is home, my partner Alain is a super human force. He is zealous, swaddling and rocking and carrying the baby, walking him 80 times around the kitchen island until he falls asleep. He is confident. He has had a baby before. He discovers that Snow likes to fall asleep to a story (told in French) which is three sentences long and repeats itself over and over. It begins with, “L'autre jour, a la chasse au escargots...” One day, while I was out hunting snails…

It becomes clear that my body is healing slowly, and my mental health is fragile at best. After using all my strength to push a baby out of my body it feels like I have none left. We are also in a global pandemic. The weeks following Snows is birth are the worst Los Angeles has seen during the pandemic. I scroll through my phone and read about bodies piling up in LA morgues with no place to go, about ICU unites being at 0 percent capacity, about president Trump refusing to step down from office and making accusations of election fraud.

As I lie in bed recovering, honoring the traditional period of post natal rest of 40 days, the shock of suddenly having a human child to care for for the rest of my life dawns on me. It feels like we are on a ship, embarking from the shore. Images of the mountains of mid-coastal Maine where I grew up flash into my mind. The view of the coast from the sea, as seen from an island ferry. We are close enough to shore to think that we will be back there soon, and yet as the shore begins to recede in the distance and the waves begin to get choppy and I see the silhouette of the mountains fading in the evening light. The realization starts to sink in: the shore was my life before having a child. I will never return to it again. For a little while I’ll still see the strip of land getting smaller, able to orient myself and my life by my past, but soon it will disappear altogether. I must find my sea legs, and fast.

Alain and I take turns breaking down, and then resurrecting ourselves. He cooks me wagyu steak and mushrooms when I’m starving at 5 am. He stays up and feeds baby Snow for 16 consecutive nights and feeds him my breastmilk with a syringe and his pinky finger, releasing the milk drop by drop into Snows mouth for hours. 

One night a week into our new life, Alain is up taking care of baby while I desperately try to sleep. As I fight with my own insomnia and sleep deprivation I lie in bed my mind rolling back and forth worrying: of do I have post partum depression? Am I going crazy? Both?  I hear Snow crying from the guest bedroom. Around 4 am something in my gut tells me ‘Go to him, now'. When I arrive in the doorway of the dimly lit room I find both baby and Alain in tears. My super human partner has reached the end of his rope. I tell him to go back to bed, and I curl up next to Snow on the guest bed in my size XL maternity panties and nursing bra covered in milk stains. The stitches from my third degree vaginal tear straining as I bring my knees in to my chest, wrapping myself around his tiny body.

Weeks later I am awoken in the middle of the night, not by Snows cries but by an intense love, radiating from the very core of being.

As a family, we learn. We unravel, we re-connect, we grow. Its an endless cycle, and somewhere in-between the long blur of days and nights, of the crying and the calm we start to find a new rhythm. Without even realizing it, we have begun to find our way. Sea legs.

At some point I realize that I have become the strength I didn’t even know I had. My vaginal tear is now completely healed. But a scar remains, reminding me of how strong I am. 

Redefining a life of impact and leaving a legacy

It is often said in motivational circles of business, high performance or self improvement that the purpose of life is to create something that will live forever. A legacy. 

I don’t think this is the highest purpose of an evolving human life. Not even close.

To me, creating a legacy is a patriarchal sentiment. It feels rooted in fear: fear of insignificance, fear of non existence, fear of a life not lived. It rings of this rationale: if we feel empty, lost or a lack of purpose in our lives, the solution is to create something larger than ourselves which will live beyond us. We will displace our need for a sense of purpose, peace and fulfillment now in this life and work to push it into the future.

The idea of creating a legacy is also linked to the idea of being a “good person.” The concept of being a good person is directly connected to what society believes collectively to be acceptable, and to a societal standard definition of what a professional and humanitarian life looks like. It does not hold space for the concepts of true creativity, poetry, connection and celebration of the earth or care for fellow humans outside of capitalism. For a greater look at this concept through the lens of being a woman, I love herbalist Asia Sulers words on being Nice Girls Vs. Kind Women.

With the current societal definitions of a “good person” It is possible to create a legacy without being a kind person, listening to your heart, or creating beauty.

Jeff Bezos, C.E.O and founder of Amazon is creating a legacy, with a personal net worth of over $100 billion dollars and a business which has monopolized and changed the industry of online shopping. World changing? Definitely. For the benefit and equality of humanity? You decide.

Hitler created an impact on history and millions of lives which will never be forgotten. His actions will certainly live forever.

But we also have examples of people like Mother Theresa, Marva Collins, Martin Luther King Jr. None of who set out to build a legacy. They weren’t seeking to build an empire or single handedly change the world, though they ended up having a profound impact on the ill and dying lower caste in India, the education of African American children in Chicago, and the fate and fight for the civil rights of people of color in America, respectively. 

These stories are deeply inspiring but we mustn’t misinterpret them. It is not our job to emulate the lives of those who have been “good”, “brave” or “impactful.”

What drove these people and so many others to show up in the pages of history books and be referred to as synonyms for human greatness in their own way was their willingness to know themselves and commit to their own unshakable truth. They went against the cultural norms of the day to live that truth.

The only thing which has merit and value is our connection to and expression of our own ever changing truth. And it is not our job to sacrifice what our soul wants, for for the desires of our culture, society or family.

Whatever we do in our work, our families, our world, whatever we create no matter how big or small, successful, (publicly acclaimed or otherwise,) it is through the profound intimacy of knowing and listening to our deepest Self that we touch on the miracle of our existence. 

Knowing ourselves, committing, living and creating from our truth gives us the opportunity to leave a legacy of an authentic life. This may one day lead us to be published in history books and acclaimed by the masses, or not. 

What is important is that we stop trying to create from a place of “should”, being “good enough”, being accepted, praised OR making our existence meaningful out of a fear of nonexistence.

• Once we unravel this mental conditioning we come to experience:

• Deep personal meaning in our life

• Unwavering connection to our truth

• The grit to stay the course and witness the miracles and true impact of following our heart, not our head.

We find that the simple act of living our truth creates a new world, one in which we can both shape and be shaped like water over wood: flowing endlessly, fully receiving the precious caresses of life, and being continuously worn into our true shape, our edges softened, our poetry revealed. 

We can remember that we are enough and we can shape the world into something new by the beauty of our existence. This is a revolution of healing.

A practice to close out the decade

Where were you in your life in 2010?

Do you remember the themes that were at play in your life story at this time?

What were your biggest concerns? 

Your hopes? 

Your dreams?

We are gearing up for the busyness of the holiday season and I encourage you to sink below the frantic external energy and demands of family to tune into the gentle flow of a river of insight, spiritual support and release which Is carrying you into the next decade.

Here in this space of stillness and reflection are gifts to be found.

An exercise for moving gracefully forward:

If you could sum up the last ten years in a few meaningful phrases, what would they be? 

Free journal, meditate on your speak aloud these words as they come to you, without judgement or analysis.

Create a small poem out of them.

Example— Here are my phrases:

Seeking my way. 

One eye open

Lost, found, caught.

Moving upwards against the stream

With intention

Steadfast-

Eventually

The in flow

flows out

And I am left richer and more alive

Than the beginning.

____

Do with these words what you feel— put them on your altar, draw an image that represents them, burn them.

During the next few weeks, please make time to be alone or with your loved ones in nature. Talk to the trees, commune with the sky. Open yourself to receive guidance from the elements.

Listen to the silence. Reflect. And then, of course, go make merry.

Becoming A HEART WARRIOR: How To Live Your Dharma

Joan of Arc was 13 years old when she first heard the “voice of angels” telling her to lead the French army to defeat the British. Whether you believe she was truly communicating with angels or not, it is certain that she was connected to a higher guidance or calling with which she could communicate. 

How many of us, during our lives, have felt, sensed or even heard messages or guidance showing us the way forward in our life? 

How many times, during those crucial moments, did you ignore these messages because of doubt or fear that it was impossible or what other people might think?

Because Joan of Arc followed and believed her connection to this higher power, she succeeded. Even when she was betrayed by the French church and burned alive at the age of 19, she did not revoke or back down from her calling.

Answering the call of our heart is BIG. When we answer the call of our heart, everything begins to change and transform in our life. 

We become aligned with our dharma, the path or destiny in this life which is only meant for us. 

I believe that destiny is not prewritten, but we do come into this life with samskaras, (karma’s, traits and psychological patterns) which both challenge us and endlessly repeat throughout our life. These are the the thought patterns, tendencies and attributes which make your psyche uniquely different from somebody else. We are both born with samskaras, and we also learn them through conditioned behavior from our families.

Most people spend their lives absorbed in the surface level engagement of their samskaras and never fully achieve deeper happiness or self-realization beyond the fluctuations of the mind.

We transcend our samskaras and step into Dharma when we respond to life from the wisdom of our heart, instead of reacting to life from the patterns of the mind.

This doesn’t mean that life becomes full of light and peace and that all our problems disappear,  It means that we are no longer wasting our energy on problems which are not relevant to our destiny.

When we are living from our heart, the challenges that show up in our life are the tests designed to show us how to grow and learn to become more of who we really are. And when we understand and integrate these challenges we become more whole.

So what is stopping us from living this powerful aligned life?

Our reactions. We react to life rather than respond, because we are taught that happiness and success are fleeting and something to be won, worked for or stolen form outside of ourselves. Everything in our society, from our social media to our education systems to our political systems are geared towards keeping us in the reactive cycle of samskara. 

If we as change-makers and empowered individuals want to create positive impact in our world right now, then it’s time for us to take the deep dive into our own hearts, deconstruct the wounds which are keeping us in a fear-based-reaction loop and wake up the voice of our higher wisdom, so we can live our Dharma.

In my own life, and in my work helping people to transform their own life, I’ve identified five steps to this process:

1. Healing the physical, mental, emotional programming which prevents us from listening to our higher wisdom

2. Being open to be completely real and honest with ourselves

3. Fully receiving the wisdom of the heart

4. Taking consistent action

5. Allowing the hearts wisdom to continue to guide you no matter what.

Greta Thunberg started her weekly school strike outside the parliament building in Stockholm, Sweden, not because she was reacting to stimulus, or because she wanted approval, recognition or personal gain. Like Joan of Arc, she did it because she was responding to a problem in the way that her heart told her she should. 

Think of that thing again— you know, that time when you heard a great calling and conviction to act, rest, create, transform something in your life. 

Now imagine the impact on your life, your family, your community, your clients, your customers when you start consistently showing up, following that heart-voice.

That is how we become the change we wish to see in the world. Not by mentally constructing a preconceived idea of what positive change looks like, but by following the sacred impulse of the heart.

__________________________________

Are you feeling this call right now in your life? 

Do you feel the pressure of transformation in your life, and the knowing that you must follow the dharma voice of your heart?

Not living your dharma is costing you your happiness, true success and harmony in your life.

Most of all, its preventing you from living and receiving what is yours in this lifetime.

Join me for HEART WARRIOR: A 90 Day Up-level For Earth Conscious Healers and Leaders to heal through the blocks preventing you from deeply living your dharma so you can create a more powerful impact and experience greater success, vitality and growth.

The autumn cohort of HEART WARRIOR begins October 5th 2019.

Do you feel the call? Join us.

http://www.anjasofiachurchill.com/heart-warrior-uplevel-intensive

The Medicine Of Sacred Rage

Image by Heather Heininge

Rage becomes sacred when we treat with it respect, when we acknowledge the powerful medicine it carries into our lives.

When rage shows its face within us, we know we are being given a gift of great power: an emotional medicine which can sweep through our lives like a forest fire, giving us the opportunity to burn down everything that is no longer supporting life and our highest integrity.

Apply the medicine of your sacred rage as follows:

1. Use our fiery brand to burn way the external toxic relationships, patterns and situations which have oppressed, wounded and anesthetized us. It doesn’t matter what needs burning— whether it’s a situation that is only hours old, or the systemic oppression of a people, culture and way of life which has lasted centuries. What matters is that it shows us who and where we really are in relation to the world. 

2. As you burn the old and unhealthy down to the ground observe the pain, confusion, strength, beauty, grace and innate goodness within yourself, too. What is revealed to to you about yourself in the glow cast by your inner fire? See and sense, like an animal smelling the sulphur of a burning forest, what is not just out of integrity in the world but also within yourself

3. Feel sacred rage initiating you to the power of our voice. She shows you the strength of your word to speak out, to say the words which have been strangled to silence out of fear. What do you need to say, and to whom? If you can’t speak to the people or person directly, write a letter, then burn it. Do whatever you need to do to express your anger and release it in a safe way. When the time for sacred rage comes, she protects us with her power, and we are no longer afraid, we are no longer afraid to be and express who we are.

4. When you have allowed yourself to be consumed by the fire, travel within yourself to the point of stillness in the center of the flames. Feel this stillness of your heart. The center point from which this yearning for balance and integrity comes. Feel this place, the part of you which will never be oppressed, never be asleep. Allow your rage to move you awake.
_________________________________

Rage becomes violent when it is not tempered with love.

Rage becomes abusive when we do not understand its origins, when we blindly disconnect from our hearts and use our fiery brand to hurt others as we have been burnt.

Rage becomes a force which eats away at the soul when we don’t give it the proper time, space and breath to move and express itself within us in a healthy way. Rage becomes illness within us when we ignore the transformation it is trying to invoke.

So today I pray that you, my reader, may know the power and medicine of your inner fire. That depression is often the symptom of the fire of rage going out, when we have been told or felt for too long that our fire has no power to change our lives and the world. This is a lie. 

Be brave, your sacred rage will change you, bring you closer to the God in yourself. if you let it.

And when the fire has burned its course, and you are left vulnerable in the ashes, keep your heart open. Honor the power of transformation and turn your face to the moon, to the light which will help you build a new life.

_____

How did these words inspire you? Where can you shift the suppressed anger in your life into sacred rage which transforms and heals?

I’d love to hear from you, leave me a comment here on the blog of send me a message.

In light,

Anja

On Love-- Becoming Whole

We are already whole, and it is by loving ourselves, and allowing a greater love move through us that we know that wholeness.

I’m transitioning out of an intensive women’s retreat here in Ibiza, Spain. I spent the week honoring, healing and claiming the feminine (and masculine!) within myself along with 15 other women. After a week of sweat, tears and laughter, we ended our retreat with a powerful ceremony in which each of us married ourselves. 

As each woman stood in front of our group and read their vows to themselves, the room was filled with a palpable transformation to wholeness. One by one we acknowledged our light and our dark and promised to love, accept, honor and celebrate ourselves in ways unique to our spirit.

Many of us are drawn to the spiritual path because we feel an intrinsic need to be healed, or to feel whole on some level. This instinct is our souls way of guiding us to fulfillment in this life time.

But we don’t need to do, fix or change anything about ourselves in order to be whole, we just need to remember and follow a path which reminds us that we are love.

Love is like the glue which all of our self-help efforts stick to. If we don’t have a sense of deep love for ourselves, of knowing of our wholeness through love, all our efforts are in vain. The beauty routine, exercises regimen, healthy eating plan or any discipline we undertake will provide results which will make no true lasting impact in our lives.

Love gathers up our scared, fragmented pieces of heart and mind and says “It’s okay, you have permission to exist. Whatever darkness you feel inside of you, I love you anyway.” That is how we become whole; through acceptance, through illuminating all aspects of ourself without discrimination between light and dark, positive and negative.

We are so influenced by the culture at large which tells us that we are not enough. This creates a confusing rift in our honest search: we are seeking and living our way towards experiencing our wholeness while at the same time being told that we are not inherently whole and that we have to work for and earn it, either through religious or spiritual dogmas or through the demands of success defined by our culture.

We can improve ourselves unto infinity, but if we don’t have an understanding of what being whole is or how it feels, then we will continue manipulating and controlling our lives from a fear of being out of balance, not out of a love or understanding of being who we really are.

Beneath this paradox of “not enough-ness” are the roots of original sin, of cutting away the human being from the Divine. The split and creation of a hierarchy between masculine and feminine. This subtle, all pervasive belief can only shift when we as individuals end The War Of Not Enough for ourselves.

Love is one of the most powerful emotions we can feel and express, but we have to feel safe in order to open to love.

A ritual for wholeness:

Come into a space of meditation either sitting or lying down. Place a hand on your heart and focusing your awareness into your body, your own mind. Give yourself permission to relax and let go of thoughts of past and future.

Place one hand on your heart. Begin to lengthen and slow down the pace of your breath, breathing in to a count of 4-6 and out for a count of 4-6.

Visualize and sense a warmth at your chest underneath your palm. Feel that this warmth radiates love throughout your being. Continue breathing as you grow this warmth and love until it encompasses your entire body.

With your hand still on your heart, say a silent or spoken prayer, invoking and bringing all parts of yourself past and present back to love.

In the name of the love which I am, I now call on all lost, forgotten or fragmented parts of myself, so that they may return to me in love, guiding me to remember my true Divine nature. As I welcome all parts of my being back home, I open my heart in gratitude for the lessons of their leaving, and in so doing receive the blessing of becoming whole. I forgive, love, honor and respect myself. For the benefit and highest good of all beings everywhere, so it is.

______

Where are you inviting love and wholeness back into your life right now?

What are your pearls of wisdom for your own experience?

Send me a message, leave me a comment and as always share these words with the ones you love.

In Love,

Anja

September: A Month For Returning To Balance

September is a magical month which holds the last out breath of summer before the inward pull of autumn arrives. It's a time of absorbing and assimilating everything that we have experienced over the past few months, while wholeheartedly inviting us to breathe in the possibility of the new.

Since I am a Virgo and this is my birthday month, I can't think of a more "Virgo" post than sharing some guidelines to help you (and me!) construct magic, health and balance during this transitional month. 

Digest

Acknowledge all the inner and outer work you’ve done over this summer. You are incredible, strong, wise, and always learning.

How can you give yourself space to digest everything thats gone down the past few months?

If you feel like your summer has been calm and uneventful (seriously, if you exist please message me..) making space for this integration period is still helpful. 

How?

You get to choose! Some of us prefer sloth-like activities to help us integrate: we need time and space to just be in our bodies. Others need plenty of exercise, conversation and out door time. Since you're in the digestion period, your process shouldn’t involve any of your vices or excess mental consumption like bingeing on Netflix or scrolling through social media.

Create

What creative endeavor, project or area of your life are you ready to expand into and take action in this month? If this is a continuation of a long term project, how can you bring fresh inspiration to your work?

What would the ideal inflow of inspiration look like? In what form would it come to you?

Make some small shifts in your day to day routine to allow this inspirational to come. 

Release

After digestion and before new creation comes release. When we've been processing something whether it be physical, mental or emotional, there comes a time when we need to let it go. We've received all the nourishment and meaning from it that we can. You don’t have to completely cut it out of your life, but rather make a conscious effort to remove your focus from it and surrender it to a higher power.

What can you let go of that you’ve been digesting and processing all summer? 

Is there an idea, issue, relationship or project that you’re ready to simply put to bed? 

Invoke Space

Spaciousness is vital. It's the white space, the “me time”, the unplanned areas of your days and weeks which actually end up being the liquid gold which transforms all your efforts into healing, balance, magic and inspiration. Its in this space that growth actually happens. The listening space.

Take a deep look at how you plan to weave spaciousness into your days this month. It may feel difficult as you wrap up all the end-of-summer tasks but you won’t regret it.

___

Now I’d love to connect with you. How are you going to create spaciousness? what will letting go look like for you? What kind of new energy are you going to bring to your creations?

Let me know in the comments and lets chat

With Love

Anja

Fear Vs. Intuition: Five Ways To Help You Make The "Right Choice."

One of the biggest questions I’ve been asked by students and friends, and one that I've struggled with a lot, is how to distinguish the voice of our intuition and inner wisdom, from the chattering voice of fear and self protection which often runs our lives.

We’ve all been there, teetering on the edge of some large or small life decision which feels impactful to us, and yet we just can’t seem to make up our mind.

“Is this the right choice?” We ask ourselves, (and everyone around us.) We spin around and around, knowing that we should have access to some deep inner guidance but feeling like we are not tuned in to our own psychic hotline.

Over the past several years I've learned some really effective, mindful and sane tactics to making those huge and not so huge life choices. I've learned them through searching for the "right" treatment plan for chronic illness and through finding the right wellness plan for my body. I've learned them through choosing to get married, stay married, and then get divorced. I've learned them through choosing to follow, step away from, and then follow my creative dreams.

Five ways to make help you make the "right" choice.

_____

1. Ask your body.

Visualize and think about the choice you have to make. Put aside your mental thoughts, worries and fears and notice how your body feels: Listen to and accept all your sensations that arise. Listen beyond any initial anxiousness or nervousness that shows up on your body; how does you heart feel? Your breath? Do you feel a lightness or a heaviness in your limbs? These body sensations are extensions of our autonomic nervous system and link to our higher knowing and inner guidance. Trust them. 

2. Stick to your values.

Ask yourself which decision is supported by your values which are founded on joy, love, and personal growth. If the choice is in alignment with them, great, if not, let that option go, it will only cause you more psychological stress in the long run if you feel that you are acting out of integrity with your beliefs. Remember, it is the daily act of living in integrity with yourself which adds up to the life you are proud of living

3. Don’t allow fear of the unknown to influence your decision.

It is normal to fear change. If your decision is in alignment with your values, and you feel centered in your body when you think of that outcome, don’t let the fear of the unknown stop you. Think back to the times in your life when you decided to commit to an unknown future and reflect on what happened. Did you regret taking that leap? What unexpected benefits came from the unknown? Nine times out of ten you won’t regret stepping out of your comfort zone.

4. Take space.

When you really can’t decide, when you feel scattered, tired, confused and thrown under the bus by life, wait. It is important to do something that makes you feel good, nourishes you, calms you down. Its hard to make choices when your body is in fight or flight mode. Go for a long walk, take a bath, make art, build something, spend time with small children and animals, turn off your computer and phone. Let yourself relax and get distance from the situation. You might need 15 minutes, or you might need a vacation of two weeks for a pivotal life decision. When you come back to make your choice from a place of rest and connecting with yourself, you won’t need to ask everyone you know for advice— you’ll simply know.

5. Remember, there is no such thing as a wrong choice.

It is not the decision that we make that has power, its what we do with that decision.Yes, life is a series of choices, but its often the smaller day to day ones which have a more profound effect over time. What matters most are the actions you take after you have made your choice. How do you decide to to react to the situations which unfold around you as the result of your decision? 

Remember no matter what choices you are faced with right now— the best choice you can make is to tune out the noise of what you feel you “should” do and tune into the quiet spaces inside yourself. 

With Love

Anja

Living Authentically During Transitions-- A Glimpse of My Life in Rebirth

I am acutely aware that it is impossible to run from our pain, from what we fear and from what is unresolved within us; I’ve made it my way of life to examine inner resistance.

And for the past two months I have been spending time in Europe, intentionally choosing to be 5,000 miles away from where my marriage began to fall apart six months ago. Part fleeing from pain, part choosing to put myself in new and uncomfortable situations through which to face it. 

As I spend the end of the summer in the Scandinavian woods and fields, I am awaiting the final email from my lawyer telling me that my divorce is final with equal dread and excitement.  I find myself living my days in the quiet rhythm of reflection and self nourishment born from years of healing from chronic illness. And while this is a slow, liminal space, it is in no way stagnant. 

There is death and rebirth within me. The dark goddess Kali, Indian deity and patron saint of destruction and rebirth is walking with me, helping me to see and delineate the illusion in my life from the truth. 

Its always good to have help clearing away the old seeds that have no life left in them in order to focus your energy on the ones ripe for sprouting.

_

I walk outside at the farm where I am staying, notebook, phone, cup of tea in my hand. I take a slow walk across the courtyard, past the barn, looking for a suitable spot for my meditation. A meditation traditionally done at 4:00 am, I think mildly to myself as I looked up at the 11 o’clock sunshine streaming across the grass. Well, we do what we can when we can. 

I find a spot up on a small hill, tucked into a grove of trees. Large boulders rest in the woods, growing and claiming space like the trees. These boulders have been here since the stone age and many of them have cultural significance, marking important places and community gathering points for people who lived 10,000 years ago. I settle myself next to a stone which reaches the height of my shoulder. As I my eyes close the shape of the stone disappears and instead I feel its presence, like a person sitting beside me.

I begin my chanting meditation. The feelings of anxiety and disconnect that have been prickling within me rise to the surface. I always get uneasy when I touch on unfamiliar soil and meet people who don’t know me well, These feelings arise and saying hello to them, I allow myself to feel a deeper fear and sadness that I have been repressing for a few days. Unworthiness. Fear of not belonging. It washes over me and I gently place my attention on each of my chakras as I begin my chanting meditation. 

I chant the mantra “Ek Ong Kar Sat Nam Siri Wa He Guru” in a hypnotic rhythm, looping and vibrating the sound through each of the eight energy centers starting at the root of my body.

I realize that I have both a fear of being seen, of fully stepping into my creative power and self expression, and a fear of not being seen, a fear of never stepping into that creative power and potential. These fears represent the age old process of transformation: we are already blooming into the light but we are afraid of the journey into the unknown and letting go of the places we were once so familiar with.

I finish my meditation, and with my heart and mind soft, silent waves of encouragement and guidance wash over me as I bring my palms together at my heart.

_

So much of my journey these past few months has been about claiming my worthiness, claiming my power to choose what I want, what I know feels right in the face of noise, chaos and distraction in the world.

I have felt shame around not being a “perfect yogi” who rises with the sun, even though my psyche and entire life revolves and functions around the principles of yoga. I have felt sadness and disappointment in my self for not having brought certain dreams and creations to fruition yet, even though I am still diligently pursuing and birthing these dreams according to their own timing. I have felt the self blame as I continue to heal and live with health challenges even though I am doing everything in my power to be healthy and vital.

Learning to thrive during transition periods requires remembering that we are the only ones who can define truth and integrity for ourselves. As the ones in the midst of transformation, our own souls voice is the strongest voice of guidance no matter how many mentors, friends or allies we have cheering us on.

We are never going to fully meet the expectations and projections of others, and if we use meeting those expectations as a measurement of our worthiness, achievement and success we won’t fulfill the highest outcome of our transformation and instead live lives which are empty of our true purpose and which only echo with a longing of our authentic, un-lived life.

I want to instill in you my (friend, family, client, or fellow human), the conviction that you are worthy, that despite changing inner and outer landscapes and circumstances you are brilliant. Your capacity for creating the world, work, art, change and peace in the world that you envision is only limited by your belief that you are not enough. 

Lets be real, transition is often messy and strange. Most of the time the journey is not glamorous. But it is rich, and finding that sustenance amidst change is more rewarding than anything in the world. It’s where we learn who we are, deeply, and for that I am grateful.

__

Did you find these words helpful or inspiring? If so, please share them with the ones you love. Everything is better when shared. And let me know if these words resonated with you. Where in your life are you transitioning and have the opportunity to keep rising towards the light? I’d love to hear your personal insights.

With love

Anja

"Meditation is a one time thing" - Said no one, ever.

It's hard to maintain a consistent meditation practice, even when you have experienced first hand its immense physical, emotional and psychological benefits.

Essentially, meditation is like "potty training for the mind" (as someone I know eloquently put it).

When it comes to establishing a consistent meditation practice, the only way out is through, the only way to begin and keep going is to begin and keep going. To put it bluntly: you are going to be living with your mind for the rest of your life, so you might as well take care of it, and introduce it to your Soul every once and a while so that your Soul can help run the show.

The goal of meditation (and yoga) is to experience the essence of our own Soul. How does this work if meditation is a practice of the mind?

In the science and system of yoga (and ayurveda) There are three energetic qualities called gunas which affect our body and mind: Rajas, Tamas, and Sattva.

Rajas is the passionate fire of creativity, heat and action, Tamas is the heavy inertia of non action and stagnation and Sattva is the lightness of clarity, peace and understanding. 

We all have Rajas, Tamas and Sattva as part of our natural psychological makeup, and our actions, foods we eat, thoughts we think and things we experience affect how much of each guna dominates our consciousness from day-to-day. All three gunas are essential to health, vitality and life.

Sattva in and of itself is not enlightenment, after all it is still a quality of mind, and calmness of mind is not enlightenment. But when our mind is in the peaceful state of Sattva, it becomes like a clear mirror through which we are able to experience and glimpse our soul, or Purusa. The soul is what I often refer to as the capital "S" Self. It is the part of us that is pure consciousness which never dies, nor changes.

Mooji, a contemporary spiritual teacher, refers to this Self as that which is revealed to us when we experience that there is no "I" within us. Eckhart Tolle refers to this simply as "presence".

When we bring the mind into a state of sattva through meditation, we learn to disidentify with our thoughts. They still exist-- rolling in and out like a tide-- and yet we feel a center point of consciousness which belongs to a realm beyond thought. (It is always a misdirection to try to stop thought completely; as long as we are alive, we will have thoughts.)

The clear mind is not your soul, the clear mind simply allows the Soul or consciousness to be reflected in the mind.

When the mind comes into Sattva, it is as if the fog clears on a window, and the mind can witness a reflection of another realm inside you.

Imagine you are in an small white room, projecting, creating and imagining situations which appear on the walls of the room as if on a projector. Now imagine moving into meditation, witnessing the projected shapes and images but not following or guiding them. Eventually you detach yourself from them completely and a wonderous thing begins to happen: the walls around you begin to change. It's as if they are dissolving, but on closer inspection you realize that they are made of glass and are simply become transparent as if they are being unfogged.

As the walls become clear you look through the glass to see a beautiful vista which you had no idea existed and never before could have imagined.

The mind is that glass room. When it is brought in into alignment with the Self, the mind is able to perceive it. Though the walls of the room will never move as long as you are alive, you are able to witness this other world, this vista, from inside the room.

Now as yourself the question:

Where am I? Am I inside the room, our outside of it?

________________________________

Did you have any insights, questions or thoughts sparked by this post?

Leave me a comment and lets connect!

In peace,

Anja

Sources *the yoga sutras of Patanjali Translated by Edwin F. Bryant*

A New Strategy For 2018: Commit To The Unknown.

As 2017 draws to a close you might be setting intentions for what you're going to do better and how you're going to grow next year. But before you do, I encourage you focus less on what you want to change, and more on how you want to change it.

Growth means committing to the unknown.

We can only grow when we are faced with the unknown, that expansive edge of possibility which exists beyond our comfort zone.

There is a difference between unconscious growth and conscious growth. We can either let the circumstances of life force us to grow, or we can willingly make the commitment to expand into the unknown of the areas of our life we want to change.

So as the year ends and we are faced with the promises of a new one, are you going to let the unknown come into your life and knock you off your feet, or are you going to venture bravely out to meet it?

Below are examples of few areas of life where research shows most people want to grow and improve their lives, with insights into achieving this growth through the single act of committing to the unknown.

(Okay, I realize that not everybody wants to grow spiritually, but I personally think it's the most important so Its at the top of the list. Humor me.)

SPIRITUAL

On a spiritual level, committing to a relationship with the unknown means taking time to marinate in experiences where we feel the vastness of the universe and a force larger than ourselves. This can be done through prayer, meditation, intently listening to a piece of classical music, watching a sunrise or hiking up a tall mountain. Any action which brings you to a place of awe and a realization of both your own vastness and smallness at the same time.

The growth we can experience on this level, though less tangible than the other areas, is the most powerful. I believe that this is the only are of our life where we can experience true and lasting contentment and a sense of our place in the universe. This belief is what is driving the creation of an Ebook I am currently writing, about the benefits of creating one's own daily spiritual practice. This book illustrates how we can use our daily commitment to the unknown through spiritual practice to create true growth and find meaning in our lives. 

PHYSICAL

The new years resolution which surpasess all others in popularity is to get in shape or improve physical health and appearance. Who doesn’t want to get more in shape? For most of us this means doing things we’ve never done before (the unknown) and pushing our body past its perceived limitations. As the famous quote goes, "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.

(In the case of individuals who are ill, hoping to become well, this still applies, as there are often habits of deep rest which we are equally afraid of experiencing as we are of intensive exercise.)

The unknown when we are working to improve our health or getting into shape, is our physical growth- edge. The edge of comfort, the edge of our old routines, the edge of our habits. We acquire deeply ingrained physiological patterns when we repeatedly sit, walk, stand, eat and spend time on our computers in a certain way. Even in our workout routines and health regimens we become comfortable and relaxed, forgetting that to push against our physical edge, in a direction of vitality, (with the proper recuperation and rest period afterwards) is what initiates true growth.

As we continue to grow in this area, the edge never disappears, but we continue to grow and get stronger. When we are creating physical growth, the edge is both a healthy reminder of what is and isn’t possible, and an invitation to grow into the unknown and create a new reality for our bodies.

FINANCIAL

Whether you are on the entrepreneurial be-your-own-boss train, or are happily employed, statistics show you probably want to make more money.

The unknown, or growth edge in this area isn’t too hard to figure out. If you want to make more money, learn the skills which will allow you to do so. This doesn’t necessarily mean trade or professional skills (thought it could). Odds are you aren’t lacking in skills which are profitable. You’re probably good at your job. What you need is to learn the specific skills towards increasing revenue. If you work for yourself this might mean investing in learning proper business strategy for your business, or updating your knowledge of online marketing or hiring somebody to do marketing for you. If you are employed, it might look like creating a strategic plan to ask for a raise or a promotion- or to find a job which you enjoy more and which pays you well.

Money is a pretty rational, linear force. It follows the facts. There are people out there who share your personal work ethics and unique life values, who are making the amount of money that you want to make. Find them and learn from them. Relating to the unknown in this area of your means discovering new knowledge and applying it into action.

______________________________________

At first, when you embark on your intentions for growth in the new year, you might feel more vulnerable to failure or risk and less in control. But these are only emotional side effects, growing pains on the journey.  In reality, gaining and applying the financial knowledge, changing the way you move and rest your body every day or allowing yourself to experience the vastness of the universe every day will pay off. You might even wake up one day and realize that you have lived yourself into the life of your dreams

Now, go back to your end of year review or 2018 goal setting and ask yourself:

How can I approach my deepest intentions or objectives by creating a relationship with what I don't know?

How can relating to the unknown propell me farther in achieving goals than simply stating a desired result?

How will establishing a relationship with the unknown effect and improve other areas of my life?

The beauty of the unknown is that it will always remain. No matter how much you learn, achieve or experience there will always be more. Creating a lasting relationship with the unknown can help you excel beyond your wildest dreams, as you being to realize there is a world of possibility beyond what you are living now. But it also means that no matter how much we heal, grow and achieve, the unknown will always exist, and this, my friends, is humbling. 

____________________________

I'd love to hear from you. What does committing to the unknown look like for your resolutions in 2018?

Did you have any new insights or ah-ha moments from reading this post?

Leave me a comment below or send me an email at info@anjasofiachurchill.com and I will respond to you personally.

May this year bring you greater love and prosperity,

Anja

Healing support for lyme part 3 of 5: Compassion over judgement

If you have been in the process of trying to become well for any length of time, you are probably familiar with the concept of self sabotage. Someone in your life, whether they mean well or not will have said to you something which translates to "why are you behaving/not behaving in this way which I think would be so good for you", or "why do you keep doing this to yourself/ feeling this way?" These well-intentioned people often want to help us because they feel we simply aren't doing a good enough job helping ourselves.

Dr. Margin Seligman, father of positive psychology, coined a term he called "learned helplessness". Learned helplessness is when certain physical or psychological conditions are imposed upon us for a length of time, and when those conditions are removed, we continue to function in a way which is stymied. 

Many of us experience periods of learned helplessness throughout life: during difficult relationships, challenging situations at work, and periods of prolonged illness.

Self sabotage is real. The patterns of keeping ourselves "safe" and "small" have an important function, especially when it comes to chronic illness. Sometimes we just need to hunker down for long stretches of time and not take any risks because well, our interior and physical experience already feels way too risky.

But this can take a toll. Eventually, enough of this protective energy begins to block our progress. As a species and as beings who are evolving to experience higher levels of consciousness, to stop expanding our life experience and worldview (even because we are suffering) will eventually hurt us more than it helps us. Sometimes this manifests as a subconscious fear of becoming well, or a complacency and despondency regarding our situation. 

I, like many of you, have experienced shades of learned helplessness many times over. It is always an opportunity for growth and more self compassion. One of the most unhelpful things you can say to somebody who is in this state is to "snap out of it", or "just stop being so helpless".

A few months ago I had a doctor who I very much love and respect, exasperatingly say " Anja, why are you sabotaging yourself?" Now, as a very self reflective person I am quick to admit where I notice inner resistance or where I feel I am self sabotaging myself. (Getting to the "why" is often more difficult to discern.)  In this instance, the practitioner saying this to me felt unsupportive and after several moments reflecting on her words I realized she was wrong, I was not sabotaging myself. I was, in fact. handling my current situation incredibly well and dealing with a complex situation created by a lack of oversight and missed signs that many doctors (including her) had missed months earlier.

Be discerning, but don't play the blame game. Tough love has its place, but it always takes second to true self compassion. True self compassion wont always be comfortable, but it will cut through to the dark places. Blame just masks the dark places with anger. 

As I sat in that appointment and realized my own grace and my practitioners error in that moment, I remembered a truth that comes to me often: we are the only ones who can discern our experience, and because of this we have a great responsibility to ourselves. We must cultivate the kind of self love that encompasses and sees through our own resistance, without blame.  

Nobody else can do the work of loving your situation just as it is, while also being discerning enough to see where we need to push ourselves and grow.

Below, I've outlined a powerful meditation from the lineage of Kundalini Yoga. It is called "Meditation to conquer self animosity" and it brings us back into that deep relationship with our self where we are not afraid to have a compassionate, all encompassing view of what is actually going on in our life. The video is recorded by Sat Siri Kaur, a loved and respected teacher.

---

MEDITATION TO CONQUER SELF ANIMOSITY

---

If you choose to practice this meditation, how did it feel?  I'd love to hear from you. 

Do these words resonate with you?

What can you do in your life to allow for deeper self compassion for where you are?

With Love, and In Health,

Anja